Banks and James discuss.... Spandex for horses.

Mr. Ed goes Gimp.....

Suggested by Gregory Brennan from Liverpool, Danny Banks and Roo James discuss this subject over Live Messenger....

Danny:

Right well I think it's a good idea because basically they only have the leather look at the moment with Saddles.

Roo:

I can't personally see a market for spandex on horses but if Dragons den approves it, I reckon Sarah Jessica Parker is good to front the campaign.

Danny:

They've been rocking the saddles and horseshoes look for hundreds of years now.   I say we go with spandex and rubber soles, bring them bang on trend... and when no-one is looking they can pretend to be superheroes... not sure whether they should have capes though....

Roo:

I thought they had the bondage look..... What with the stirrups, whips, and short men riding them hard?

Danny:

I think you are reading a very different copy of horse and hound

Roo:

So you like this idea but not my idea for a toaster that burns "fuck you" into bread?

Danny:

But this is for the poor horses! They can't argue back and they don't eat toast.

Plus Spandex can be used to hide the veiny bits in horses legs which are a bit ewwwwwww.

Roo:

IT'S NEVER ABOUT TOAST WITH YOU! *Sulk*

Danny:

And in all these years of Marvel comics can you name a superhero horse?

Roo:

Dave?

Danny:

Equality for Super Horses!

(except Dave... he was more a super villain with his sinister clopping)

Roo:

How are 12 year old middle class girls going to cope with Super horses flying them about everywhere?

Danny:

Anchors and tethers..... Or really heavy saddles.

Roo:

You've been doing those drawings again haven't you?

Danny:

But at the end day if there are a few accidents, who would miss a few 12 year old middle class types?

Roo:

M&S?

Danny:

Oooooo, it could be a new CBBC show, "Can you ride a flying horse?"....

Roo:

Dave Benson Phillips could present!

Danny:

With the obligatory puppet.  Clompy.  If you stay on you come back for another series, if not then society wins.

Roo:

It will be fine until Dave comes on before the show to announce Clompy went to the glue factory for a day out.....

Danny:

Or he turns up as a tin of dog food....

Roo:

All from one bit of spandex.....

Danny:

I'm going to write to the Head of CBBC who must be that Justin fella... I've already tried writing to Sarah Jane, and I've laminated the cease and desist order.

Roo:

So to wrap up, Spandex on horses = Traumatised children and a writing gig for you.

Danny:

Every one's a winner....... except the children........but I'm a winner and that's what counts at the end of the day...

If you have any topic you would like discussed, get some friends.  Alternatively, leave your suggestions in our comments.

Baconmania.....WTF?

A new reason why Jews don't like Christmas

Has anyone else noticed the trend at the moment for bacon themed goods?  When did bacon become the king of treats?  Was there a meeting I missed where cupcakes where overthrown as the goodie of choice?  I don't mind bacon.  Bacon and I have a tolerance for each other.  I'm not mad on pork products (insert porking gag here and here) and ever since mircopigs came onto the scene, all I see when I look at a sausage is Peppa pig asking me with a sad face "Why are you eating George?".  Beef, chicken, lamb - I have no issues with.  We all know given half a chance, these animals will break into your house and smother you in your sleep so it's self defence but with gravy.  Pork - bit of a sickly meat but its bacon offspring seems to be hitting the shelves all over the place.



Smells like David Cameron in a sanua



Did you know you can now get bacon SOAP?  Who wants to smell like a fry up?  Surely this would only appeal to hungover people and Rik Waller.  Who got home from a hard day at the cafe and decide the smell of grease and pig fat was a great alternative to Anais Anais?  Of course now you can get bacon envelopes, bacon mints, bacon lip balm, bacon plasters, bacon toys, bacon air fresheners.....bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon OINKOINKOINKOINK.....

£5 says this kid goes vegan before puberty

Someone is to blame to this.  Someone is responsible for this onslaught.  I've tried finding out through various methods....

1.  Google

2.  Psychic powers

3.  Kicking Danny in the nuts

4.  Following butchers home

5.  Following Pat Butcher home

6.  Talking to sad and abandoned cupcakes

7.  Eating said cupcakes to absorb knowledge

Nothing worked.  I'm stumped on this.  If anyone knows why this is happening, drop me a line here at Randomaquariumitis.  I know we have now had two pork related posts in a row but I demand answers as to who needs bacon coffee.

Roo.

Where's my Cham?

T shirts not for sale yet.  Need more marker pens.....

This is the blog that asks the important questions, what if Satan ran a chip shop? What if biscuits could enter the Olympics? If bread was made of sand what would crumpets be made of? But the most important question that everyone should be asking themselves is where is my cham?
 
In a world that has given us, the Ketchup, Kebab flavor pot noodles and Findus crispy pancakes with tuna, why has the world of science abandoned that one most desire of combined produce, the cheese and ham combination that should be known as cham.
 

Roo's mock up of a cham tin.

Now I know most people can simply put both things together but has wash ‘n go not taught us anything? Aren’t we simple fools for taking 2 fillings into the sandwich? Now I don’t pretend to be an expert in nutritional science, I can barely spell it, I don’t know the details… my immediate though is maybe something to do with pig milk, but why are we wasting money on finding the higgs bosen particle, the existence of dark matter, and robotic cyber assassin seahorses (actually they are kind of cool) when we have failed to provide theone thing the planet really needs, a tasty filling product that combines two of our most beloved produce.
 
People it’s time for action, time to take up arms, Go to your nearest science laboratory (or chemical delicatessen) and pelt them with breadsticks till they produce your Cham. Demand Your Cham.

Danny.

 

Welcome to our new blog.

A home for random thoughts, ideas, and crackpots we find on the web.  We hope to be bringing you a steaming bowl of daft geek soup soon.  In the meantime, here is a cat forced to DJ for You tube minions for you to keep you going like a breadstick before the steak arrives.